There’s nothing like expecting a night of fireworks from dilldoes and then finding it’s got more fizzle than bang.
Sure, there are dilldoes that just won’t work for you, and some that are more hype than help, but as often as not, the consumer hasn’t done enough of his or her own homework when selecting the toy.
You wouldn’t buy a car without doing a little research, and since you can’t test-drive a sex toy, you really want to think about some of this stuff before buying!
Here are some basic pointers:
I mean this in the biblical sense. Believe it or not many people buy toys without really thinking about where or how they want to use them.
Maybe they think dilldoes will magically know what to do when it senses a body nearby.
But it will help a lot if you know what body part you want to stimulate (clitoris, vagina, penis, anus, etc).
If you don’t know, masturbate.
This will help you discover what kind of stimulation you like (hard, soft, slow, fast) so you can choose a vibrator with a similar intensity.
If you’re looking for dilldoes, one handy trick that’s been passed around: buy a cucumber and peel it down to a size you find comfortable for insertion.
Measure the length, then cut it in half and measure the diameter. Now you know what size dildo you need.
Lots of people share stories of experimenting with things they find around the house as a way of discovering what feels good.
A candle might help gauge dilldoe size, an electric toothbrush might clue you into vibrator intensity, a cardboard toilet roll might turn you on to a penis sleeve.
While these are an enterprising and economical way to experiment, you’ll probably find there are sex toys such as dilldoes that get the job done more efficiently!
To help you further determine what you need, I’ve included a “Toy Shopping Checklist” at the end of this article.
Be a Savvy Consumer of Dilldoes
Once you’ve narrowed down what you’re looking for, you’ll want to be a savvy consumer.
Because the adult industry has traditionally exploited consumer fears and embarrassment around sex toys, some wholesalers sell low quality merchandise at inflated prices.
I’ve heard from more than one person who bought a fifty-dollar toy only to have it break down in three days.
Be a skeptic: If the sales hype on dilldoes sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Once in a while something really exciting comes along that’s worthy of the praise (for example: Hitachi, Nexus, Fleshlight, Eros Lube). There’s usually a groundswell of interest, so try to find customer reviews if you can.
Shop at places you trust.
Get advice. Visit web sites that post customer product reviews, ask friends about their favorites, and look for bestsellers.
Check the returns policy. Some retailers will let you return any toy for any reason within a certain time frame.
Libida, for example, will take back any item within 60 days. (Don’t worry–the toys don’t get resold!)
Keep some perspective
If you’re hesitant to experiment with dilldoes because of the money or the unknown factor, here’s a little perspective: think of a disappointing sex toy experience as somewhat akin to a disappointing meal out.
You might pay $60 at a fancy restaurant for a meal that didn’t thrill you, but it wouldn’t stop you from trying another new restaurant.
When you do stumble upon a great restaurant, you’ve just improved the quality of your life.
Accept the fact that not all sex toy experiences will be great ones, but that the more you explore, the more likely you are to end up with the orgasmic equivalent of culinary bliss.
If you’re buying a dilldoe for partner play, it helps to keep this adage in mind: “you can’t please all the people all the time”.
What works for you might not work for your partner, so if you’re expecting the toy to deliver mind-blowing simultaneous mutual orgasms, there’s a good chance you’ll be disappointed.
Make sure your partner is a willing participant, otherwise you run the risk of making them feel inadequate or insecure if you whip out a new toy in the heat of passion.
Keep a sense of humor, which comes in handy when you’re strapping on a marble-colored dilldoe or a cock ring that looks like a dolphin.
Whether or not they live up to your expectations, sharing dilldoes with partners is a great way to communicate about your sexual needs and to explore new erotic terrain.
If a toy is going to run out of batteries or break down–it will just before you reach orgasm.
Consider keeping plenty of spare batteries on hand and stocking a backup of your favorite toy.
I’ve modified this quick and dirty shopping checklist from my book The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. I’ve put examples of some of the specific products in parentheses.
Purpose. What part (or parts) of your body do you want to stimulate? Is it for solo play, partner sex or both?
If you’ll be inserting dilldoes, do you want hard plastic or something more pliable: vinyl, rubber, cyberskin or silicone?
Nonporous surfaces are easier to clean.
Shape. Smooth? Rippled? Curved? Resembling a penis or non-realistic?
Size. If inserting, determine diameter and length before buying.
Color. Flesh tones? Pastels? Metallics? Jewel tones? Glow-in-the-dark?
Intensity. In general, electric vibrators (Hitachi) offer stronger vibrations than battery models (Classic).
Durability. Electric vibrators (Hitachi) and brand-name battery vibrators (Panasonic) last the longest.
Portability. Battery vibrators or rechargeable electric models travel well. Some (Rechargeable Vibe, Natural Contours, Lipstick Vibe) are discreet enough to pass any security check.
Noise. Coil-operated electric vibes (Tender Touch) are the quietest, hard plastic battery vibrators (Classic) and some large wand vibrators (Hitachi) are the loudest.
Expense. If you’re experimenting to determine your preferences, try a cheaper rubber (Harry) or jelly model (Rod). If you already know what you like, invest in a longer-lasting, higher quality
silicone model (Champ).
If you plan to wear the dilldoe in a harness (Terra Firma), select one that’s at least six inches long and has a flared base (Mistress).
Shape. If you enjoy the sensation of your anus expanding and contracting, you might want to buy anal beads (Love Beads) or a rippled plug (Ruby Ribbed).
If you prefer penetration without movement, try a diamond-shaped model (Buddy) which you can wear in place.
If you want to stroke in and out of your rectum, select a slim dilldo (Willie).
Your anal toy should have a flared base (Buddy).
Make sure that the surface of your toy is completely smooth and nonabrasive.